My how time flies.
I still can’t believe I’m 37 weeks pregnant. The guest room is still a mess with my nesting hormones fluctuating up and down. We’re just about to buy certain replacement parts for my breastpump and extra ointments that I think have expired or have run out. I have yet to order my diapers on Amazon Mom. The crib, did we put up the crib yet? I don’t think we know where it will go. Is my head on straight? I’m not quite sure.
Well I’m not getting much sleep anymore with all the early morning kicking (and singing) that’s been going on the past few weeks. I can’t see my swollen ankles either, much less reach for them. My wedding ring is starting to choke my finger too… so yes I guess it’s just about that time. Of course I don’t want to give birth until I hit 39 weeks at least, as they say the healthiest babies are the ones carried closest to term but I am feeling heavier and easily tired by the day.
While I am not as scared or panicked as I was with the first pregnancy, I still am feeling a few mixed emotions. For one I wish I could see her again on an ultrasound. They’re very scarce at the hospital with ultrasounds if your pregnancy is healthy because of the minimal insurance coverage. So I haven’t “seen” Jamie in over 19 weeks. The Midwives say though that from their assessment everything seems fine, and they are very reassuring, although they are sometimes a little too relaxed with me I start to fret and worry (how typical of me).
Then there’s the labor. I can still remember what happened 26 months ago and I relate it as if it were just last week. All I know is that I was able to withstand that much pain for that long, so I THINK I can do it again. Mind over matter, right? I’m reassured that labor the second time around goes faster, so maybe it won’t be as painful for very long. And maybe they will get the epidural to me faster too (more on that in a different post). When I go to Church I keep thinking as to how Mama Mary had to give birth in a manger (no hospital bed, no epidural, and she rode a donkey with no complaints days before her labor! Lord knows I cringe at ever bump on the road…), so I at least hope that helps me put my modern-day already comfortable situation into better perspective.
And then of course there is Sam. I don’t know if she fully understands what’s about to happen, but I know that she can sense some big change is coming our way. I noticed that lately she just comes up to me to sit on my lap and asks for a hug or a kiss. And then she’ll lean on me for a while without wanting to get up.
I am slowly turning over some of the care-taking reins to her dad, which she enjoys, but on occasion she will stubbornly still ask for me. I think we’re both aware I’m slowly trying to teach us both to be more independent of each other, which will be good in the long run for everyone. But I won’t deny that I do miss her already, and so I appreciate the unexpected hugs and kisses and cuddles.
There are actually so many other things running through my head I don’t know where to begin. I hope that’s normal and I’m just not worrying myself silly. There’s no book either on “What to Expect the 2nd time around“, and I sometimes wish there would be. Maybe after going through it the first time, you know that you really can’t put a finger down on what will happen and everything is relative to your specific situation. As we’ve said time and again — You’re never ready. There’s only so much talking and reading and preparing someone can do, first or second or nth time around. The rest, well — you just have to go with it.
Okay good luck to my children then!